Guilt

 Why do I feel guilty? Because today was a good Lupus day. I slept in and I feel refreshed but I didn't want to DO anything.

 Normally when I have a good day I go at it hard; I do laundry, clean the house, and cook. I want to do everything all at once because I don't know when I'll feel that good again. Today I feel like I've wasted a good day, I feel that I should have tried to accomplish something. Its always been this way for me with Lupus. I over compensate to make up for the times I cant do anything.

Today I've just enjoyed doing nothing for the sake of doing nothing.   But now that the day is over I am feeling guilty for enjoying a day off.

 Somewhere along the way in this Lupus journey, I've turned into an all or nothing person.  I am not sure that I really like it. I'm looking for balance its really hard with Lupus. I expect a lot from myself and when I let me down I am not sure what to do.