Intimacy can be challenging when you have lupus. Lupus and its treatments may cause changes in your physical appearance, and these changes -- skin rashes or lesions, hair loss, weight gain -- may affect your sense of your own desirability. Joint pain, mouth sores, vaginal ulcers, and a decrease in lubrication from the glands can slow sexual responsiveness and make both foreplay and intercourse painful. Pain, fatigue, depression, and certain medications can lower your interest in sex and intimacy. And, if the frequency and pleasure of intimacy and sex fade, the partner without lupus may feel hurt and confused, or even resentful and angry.
But it is possible to regain intimacy and tenderness between partners. Good communication will help counter negative self-perceptions or feelings of rejection, and can keep an amorous spark alive even when sexual activity wanes. Physical adjustments, such as using pillows for support, finding less painful positions, and applying lubricating ointments and creams, can relieve discomfort during sex. Taking a warm shower or bath can help relax sore muscles and joints, and anti-inflammatory medication may also provide relief. Sex aids can help promote a partner’s response to intimacy. Other forms of physical contact -- gentle massage, tender touching, a loving embrace -- can provide intimacy without intercourse. If problems persist, couples should seek the help of a licensed therapist, to help improve communication and offer suggestions.*
We all remember the beginning of our relationship or marriage, the passion, the joy, and falling in love. It's called the honeymoon stage. I certainly remember when my husband and I were in the honeymoon phase. We couldn't get enough of each other, we spent every spare moment being with each other. We spent a lot of time making love, holding hands, staring longingly into each others eyes. We were very passionate and no one existed except us. Never in our lives did we think that things be any different from that special time. Then life happened; having children, changing careers, moving, running errands, making dinner, and household chores. It's so gradual you don't even notice it at first, we don't have time to stare into each others eyes for hours at a time anymore. With all the changes in our lives and time constraints it's harder to find time to be spontaneous in the romance department. Sometimes it feels as if have to we have to get out calendars and schedule alone time with our spouses. Now on top of the normal course of relationships and family life, let's factor in Lupus.
It takes work to not let any part of your marriage suffer and it is very true of making love as well. Factor in Lupus on top of family life and the normal course of relationships intimate times with your spouse takes a back seat. With Lupus there are so many changes in your body that can occur.
- Hormonal changes that can occur with Lupus and cause ulcers in your mouth or vagina
- Fatigue can make sex nearly impossible
- Joint and muscle pain can make sex uncomfortable or painful
- Lupus medications can cause weight gain, decreased libido, hair loss, acne, and rashes
- The medications can also cause erectile dysfunction for males and vaginal dryness for females
Body image issues can and do occur when these things happen to your body and are out of our control. Any and all of these things can fear from your partner and yourself that sex will hurt you and make things work. You and your partner can feel frustrated, rejected, and insecure by the reduced amount of sex and the changes in our libido. The changes in our bodies can cause body image issues. We may not be comfortable with ourselves anymore or feel attractive. If we don't feel attractive we may feel that our partners don't feel that we are attractive either. These things have a huge effect on our self esteem as well as on our every day lives and it can most certainly have a negative effect on our private lives and sexual health. Our sex lives to do not have to die because we have a chronic illness.
- Communication is key, talk to your partner and your doctor
- Vaginal lubricant can help with vaginal dryness
- Medications are available for erectile dysfunction
- Take a warm bath or shower before initiated intimacy in order to relax muscles and joints
- Try different positions or different times of the day
- Take advantage of the good days
- Try massages to relax your body and mind
- Cuddle when making love just isn't possible
- Seduce each other with phone calls, texts, and notes
www.lupus.org
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